Image above from the awesome website pixabay.com
I would love it if I was one of those power dressing career women who are always immaculately presented, sharp and in control.
Unfortunately I am anything but, though I have worked in a variety of office environments where I am expected to dress professionally.
The first reason for this is that I actually have a terrible habit of forgetting to do up one or two of the buttons in the middle of my shirt. This is a result of always being in a huge hurry to get dressed and out of the house in the morning. Of course it is rather a dangerous problem, because it often means that I unconsciously flash my breasts at everyone in my vicinity at work. Usually those in my vicinity are actually female colleagues or customers who really don’t have any interest in copping an eyeful of my heaving or non-heaving breast. I have to black out thinking about all the innocent commuters I might have exposed myself to on the journey into work.
The second reason is that I am one of those annoying people who always get a bad dose of the flu when it is about, and this is always accompanied by the complete disintegration of the skin around my nose. I end up with scaly red patches and peeling dry skin both on my nose and under it that make me look quite the opposite of the self-determining professional female. I instead look like a pathetic diseased leper with something hanging off her nose.
Even when I don’t have the flu and go all out with an ironed, sharp and well cut outfit, I am still a dismal failure in the power dressing stakes. For a brief moment after attending a job interview I will feel like I might have finally pulled off the smart professional female look, only to find that I have at least one persistent and determined random pubic hair statically attached to my clothing. Luckily I usually wear black trousers, so if a particularly ambitious pube has found its way to the other side of my map of Tasmania, I have some chance of hiding it in this area of my outfit. Unfortunately for me though, the determined pubic hairs that leap off my person or off my bathroom wall are also hell bent on announcing their presence to the world, and they usually succeed.
So if you ever see a woman on a train with a red flaking nose, who is wearing a gaping shirt that exposes her breasts and over it a jacket adorned with tightly curled pubic hairs, it’s probably me.
© Annemaree Jensen 2017