Don’t You Just Love Being Female

I would just like to say that men should think twice next time they complain about any of the inconveniences associated with being male.

A female body makes far more demands on its owner.

Every month for a significant length of time over a woman’s life the female body will bleed.  While this bleed is happening the body will also drastically reduce all of the normal feel good hormones that it pumps through the body, just to make the bleed even more fun.  If you are lucky, you will also experience cramps throughout the bleed that require you to dose yourself up on painkillers just to survive your day.

On top of this, because the female body has an elaborate reproductive system that is designed for the possibility that you might need to carry a foetus around in a protective cavity surrounded by muscle, it requires unpleasant medical check-ups to be undertaken on a regular basis.

Until very recently these check-ups included the inside of this cavity being gently scraped by one’s GP every two years just to find out whether it was still normal.  If there are any other symptoms in between, then there will be a veritable festival of internal investigations and internal scans characterised by even more poking and prodding.

My GP knows my body more intimately than I do as a result of all the regular checks that I have paid for over the years.  My body apparently has all the normal female equipment, however it does not perform as expected and gives me odd pain that no one can explain, despite numerous investigations and scans.

Regardless of whether your body performs as expected or not, you may or may not produce a child with it.  Despite this, you will still enjoy a monthly bleed.  You will also have to carry around a pair of breasts for your entire life, even though they are only there to feed a child you may never have.  Not only that, you then have menopause to look forward to which is characterised by a long list of other unpleasant symptoms that can continue for years on end.  To top it all off, after the menopause your reward is simply to become an old lady who will have to suffer all the usual indignities associated with getting old.

Men do not experience any of the above wonderful pleasures.  While testicles may be slightly inconvenient, they are small and have little impact on a man even if they don’t use them to produce a baby.  A penis is always useful to a man regardless, and no one tries to open it up and give it an internal investigation.  As for the rest of the male reproductive system, it is all neatly packed inside the male body and generally gives very little trouble.

Men don’t have a monthly bleed.  Their life is one long linear journey, without regular poking and prodding by medical practitioners.  Sure, at a certain age they might get their prostate checked but they aren’t expected to have regular tests throughout their “reproductive life” for this.  Sure, when they do get their prostate checked they may have to endure a medical practitioner’s finger up their rear end for a brief time, but there is even a blood test that often means they can get away without this experience too.

Men seriously do not know how lucky they are to have been born with a male body instead of a female one. 

For the women reading this article, I recommend a coffee and a large slice of mud cake after cervical tests or internal scans. I’d also go for a larger slice than in the image above, it looks rather on the stingy side to me.  It’s the trick I use to force myself to attend them anyway.

© Annemaree Jensen 2019

All of the amazing images included in this essay are taken from the awesome website