How to Get Your Revenge When You Retire . . .

 

A lot of us are rather scared about eventually becoming a “senior citizen.”

 

 

However, given that the only alternative is death, becoming a senior citizen is really something only the lucky amongst us will get to deal with.

 

 

We are also lucky because as we are human beings, we have a spirit and a sense of humour that improves and strengthens with time.

This is a good thing, because senior citizens do sometimes have to deal with a condescending manner or a lack of respect from an occasional young simpleton.

 

 

Some non-western societies are far better at recognising and respecting the wisdom and the strength that comes with age.  Interestingly young people in these societies don’t waste as much of their time fretting about growing old either.  Despite this and many other benefits associated with viewing things differently, our society is of course very slow to change.

 

 

So, if you live in a western society, you simply have to deal with things as they are.

Luckily there are plenty of ways senior citizens can get their revenge on the occasional rude or patronising younger person.  The human imagination will always generate unlimited possibilities in this situation; but should you ever get stuck, some suggestions are offered below:

  • Pretend that you are hard of hearing when a younger simpleton speaks louder to you than they need to, until they get to the point that they are actually yelling. It’s great to see someone rude making an even bigger spectacle of themselves than usual.
  • If you have to deal with an ill-mannered staff member who works for someone providing a service to you, make a habit of regularly “forgetting” your appointment time and then ring right on morning tea on a Monday morning to find out what time it is. Even better, drag out the call for as long as possible by pretending that you are a dithering old idiot who can’t even find a pen or a piece of paper within a 10 minute period.  When you do turn up for your appointment, arrive really early for no other reason than to take up space in the waiting room.  Even better, bring a rowdy group of friends and family members (including children) with you if you possibly can.

 

 

  • If you don’t feel like filling in a form tell the person asking you to fill it in that you can’t see the text on it and as you’ve lost your glasses there is no hope of you being able to fill it in anytime in the near future.
  • Make sure you start mowing your lawn by 7.00 am the morning after your arrogant younger neighbours throw a huge party.

 

 

  • If you encounter a person who fails to show respect to their elders within a government organisation, ensure that you always call them at three minutes before close of business and then talk for hours about the insurmountable problems in your community. Even better, always turn up unannounced right on morning coffee time with a long list of problems that you would like the employee of the government organisation to solve.
  • If you strike an impertinent younger person or two at a social event and you are lucky enough to have someone around your own age in the vicinity, make a point of spending extensive amounts of time talking about the past with the person who is a similar age to yourself, despite the fact that you are with company who weren’t even born until many years later.
  • Talk in detail about unpleasant medical conditions involving normally private parts of the human body at social events. Extremely crowded events where people are seated to eat a meal offer the best opportunity here.

 

Life is not about what age we are, it’s about how much we enjoy it.

 

© Annemaree Jensen 2018

 

All of the amazing photos included in this essay are taken from the awesome website pexels.com.