Nothing to See Here

I don’t know about you, but I look like a sack of shit whenever anyone photographs me.

It doesn’t matter how much I smile, I’m quite simply as photogenic as a dog turd.

I photographed fine until I became a teenager, and then someone I don’t recognise at all turned up in place of me in photographs.

This person looks nothing like the person I am.  She doesn’t even look like the person I see in the mirror, who I do recognise quite happily.

As a result, I hate being photographed.

I especially hate it when other people photograph me in a group photo, and I’m the only one in the group who looks like shit on a stick.  Even worse, when I’m squeamish as the photo gets shown around, they gush about how it’s such a great photo and tell me how gorgeous I look.   The logical conclusion for me is that I must look fifteen times more horrendous than that normally, which is not a pleasant thought.

Anyway, thank God for progress.

Progress has given me a relatively simple solution to my lifelong hatred of photos.

My wonderful solution is the selfie. 

While this sounds terribly vain, I love the selfie because it is the only way I can achieve a decent photo of myself.  I’ve seen even professional photographers sweat as they try shot after shot to get a decent one of me and the rest of a bridal party, all to no avail. 

Perhaps selfies work for me simply because I’m more relaxed when it’s just me and the camera. 

I really don’t care what the reason is just as long as selfies keep working for me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t automatically look like a supermodel when I take a selfie.  I still look like me, and I don’t spend lots of time trying to get my “good side” (whatever the hell that is) or anything like that.  I just have control over the camera and somehow that results in me looking acceptable, and that is all I’ve ever wished for. 

I’ve read that the cause of being unphotogenic is supposedly not being relaxed and comfortable enough in front of a camera.  This is a fantastic theory, but I’ve never actually had the time to test it out.  However I seriously doubt whether that is all there is to it, and that I’m going to instantly turn into Cindy Crawford in front of the lens, just because I’m relaxed about having my photo taken.

I don’t need to anyway, because at least I’ve taken a selfie or two which have given me some hope that I’m not the most frighteningly ugly person that ever walked the earth.

The awesome photos used in this article were taken from the amazing

© Annemaree Jensen 2019